Really, what a shocking scene!
A decent girl, a public place!
What the devil do you mean,
Mooching round with such a face?

Things can't really be so bad,

Surely someone would have said
If---of course the thing is mad,
No, your mother isn't dead.

Sighing, sniffling, looking tense,

Sitting mum the whole day through;

Speaking from experience

I can guess what's wrong with you.

Roses withering in the cheek,
Sunlight clouding in the hair,
Heaving breasts and looks so meek--
You're in love, my girl, I swear.

If love really caused all this
So that looks and grace are gone
Shouldn't you tell me who it is?-
Even if I should be the man.

If I really were the man

You wouldn't find me too severe,

Don't think I'm a Puritan,

I've been through it too my dear.

And if you'd whispered in my ear:
"Darling, I'm in love with you"
I wouldn't have scolded, never fear;
I know just what girls go through.

How does it take you, could you say?
Are you faint when I pass by?
Don't just blush and look away--
Who should know love if not I?

You'll be twice the girl tonight
Once you get it off your chest;
Why--who knows?--you even might
Win me to your snowy breast.

Make love just the way that seems
Fittest to you, 'twill be right.

Think of itl Your wildest dreams

Might come true this very night.

That's enough for once, my dear
Stop that snivelling and begin;
Come now, not another tear--
Lord, look at the state you're in!