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Drenched, not ruffled

While people in other lands stew over minor irritants such as pre-emptive wars peremptorily launched over non-existent weapons of mass destruction, the Irish at home and abroad have more serious bones of contention to pick, with each other and any one else who wishes to become embroiled.

Writers and editors, playwrights and theatre managers, have featured in some of the most ferocious quarrels in the country's famous past. Throw in a dispute over copyright which almost led to war, and you get the flavour if not the hang of the thing. Of course, that was some time ago, when two saints - they were still living, sainthood coming later - clashed when one copied a book belonging to the other.

Colmcille, a Donegal man if ever there was one, made a copy of a book of the psalms belonging to Ninnian. In those times that was a laborious process. It all had to be done by hand. There were no copying machines and no scanners. Digitization meant using your fingers.

Well, Ninnian was not happy when he found out what Colmcille had done, and demanded that the copy he made be returned at once.

"Get lost!" or an equivalent, was the answer the received, and in the sequence of events the followers of the two almost went to war. It took the intervention of the High King, Diarmuid MacCearbhall, to settle the matter, and both sides agreed to abide by his decision. When he rendered his verdict it was reputed to be the first ever given in the history of copyright law.

"To every cow its calf, to every book its copy."

Fast forward a few centuries to 2005 and the most recent demonstration of how such differences still matter in literary circles.

It happened at a birthday party last month, the birthday boy being novelist Brian Toibin. There were luminaries of all shades and spices present, including playwright Tom Murphy and Gate Theatre director Michael Colgan.

Now anyone who was anyone knew that the two never got on. They were both distinguished in their fields. But there was one great dividing difference. The director had never put on a single play of Murphy's at the Gate.

As the party progressed matters came close to boiling point when Colgan allegedly said in the presence of Murphy: "You're only a provincial playwright." Murphy replied: "And you are the keeper of a museum on Parnell Square."

The playwright then dumped a bowl of lamb korma over the head of Colgan, splashing several bystanders in the process.

Toibin, their host, reprised the role of the peacemaker High King and prevented the outbreak of another civil war then and there. According to one guest, both antagonists calmed down and stayed for a long time afterwards, "so it can't have ruffled their feathers too much."

It is nice to know important things still matter in Ireland, but it's extremely doubtful if Tom and Mick will have sainthood conferred on them in the hereafter.

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