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Rustlers in Ireland

First it was goats.

Next it was donkeys.

Then it was a horse, and not just any horse.

An outbreak of rustling in Ireland is cause for concern. Where will it all end? Dog snatching? Cat stealing? Goldfish poaching?

Time to call for action. Bring in the professionals. Happily there are two clear choices.

First the Mounties, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. They always get their man, goat, donkey, mare-you name it. Unhappily they are fully engaged at the moment, searching through the haystack that is the Gomery Commission Report, heaved their way by the Canadian Prime Minister . Gomery Report? A political scandal. More malodorous than horse manure. Politicians up to their oxters in it.

The second choice is an honest to goodness Old West style sherrif, a rootin', tootin, sonovagun who'll stop at nothing to catch the bad guys and bring them to justice. Maybe a US Marshall. Someone like Bat Masterson. Bat who? Look him up. Google him. You will find him in an early issue of this e-zine.

Advertise in the job vacancy columns.

Sherrif. Must have own saddle. Horse an advantage. State marital status.

Two of the latest outrages occurred in the same month. As reported in the Irish Independent on November 1 last:

A family is appealing for the safe return of two white donkeys (mother and mare foal) rustled last Thursday from a paddock.

Haulier Fred Patterson and his family have offered a 3,000 reward for the safe return of the animals or information leading to their recovery.

The mare, named Cindy, and foal, of white/grey colouring, were a present from Fred's father, Gordon, before his tragic death in a crash in January 2003.

On November 17 the same newspaper carried this report:

Gardai last night launched an investigation after a horse worth more than 10,000 was stolen in the midlands.

The Clydesdale mare was stolen from near Glasson in Athlone in Co. Westmeath sometime between Tuesday night and yesterday morning.

The four-year-old horse was black with a white face and legs.

As fearlessly documented in this e-zine in August 2005, rustlers stole eight pedigree goats, worth hundreds of euros apiece, from a farm on the Kilkenny-Waterford border. Similar thefts had been reported in Wexford and Cork.

Drastic measures must be taken, and soon. Law-abiding citizens demand that the rustlers be captured, tried, and hung, in accordance with long established custom. Anything less will be an abdication of responsibility.

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