Tarting up the Taoiseach
In January 2003 readers
of this e-zine, www.vindicator.ca,
were introduced to two
Dublin ladies, Philomena
and Matilda, and Philomena's
sister, Anastasia. That
makes three, but Anastasia
has yet to speak. Actually
Anastasia is only referred
to in the third person,
a widow four times over,
and presently resting,
the term used by unemployed
actors and actresses
between roles, until
she commits her next
matrimony.
"Matilda, I'm lost
for words."
"That's a first,
Philly. The world must
be coming to an end!"
"Have ye seen today's
Indo, Matilda?"
"Not yet, Philly.
Is there something in
it that upsets you?"
"Upsets me? Upsets
me? Upsets the whole
blood country! That
I should live to see
the day! An eejit, that's
what he is. A total
eejit! Making a laughing
stock of himself like
that."
"Like what, Philly?
I've never seen ye so
upset, not since Jamsey,
yer second husband,
took a fit in Doran's
pub, fell off his stool,
and died on the floor.
Poor Doran, he had to
close the pub early-"
"Will you shut up
about Jamsey? This isn't
about Jamsey, or Doran.
This is about-I never
thought I would have
to say it-the Taoiseach!
Dev himself must be
turning in his grave!"
"What's he done
now, Philomena?"
"Look for yourself.
I haven't the heart
to read it again. I'll
get us something to
steady your nerves,
me own too. I haven't
been the same woman
since I first read it."
"Janey Mac - 18,000
a year on make-up! Sure
I can't believe it myself,
Philomena. I'm like
you-lost for words.
It can't be true. Somebody's
making it up."
"Pretty pricey make-up
Matilda! And even he's
not puttin' it on himself.
Ninety-five thousand
euro! Ninety-five thousand
euro! In only six years!"
"Keep on reading,
Matilda."
"It says: "Most
of the money-around
18,000
a year-is spent on retaining
the services of make-up
artists who would be
paid 170
to 200
a day
.16,275
to December 1998
other
year's totals were 17,221.34
in 1999, 21,435.05
in 2000, 17,599.98
in 2001, and 18,438.78
last year."
"Here's another
bit: "4,347.51
on make-up-in just eight
weeks."
"That's this year,
2003."
"I'm flummoxed,
teetotally flummoxed.
Who does he think he
is-Elizabeth Taylor,
Tammy Mae whatyemaycall
her, the wan with the
industrial strength
eye shadow-"
"You know, Matilda,
what gets me is that
here we are paying through
the nose for it every
time we sup a pint.
It's almost enough to
make me consider taking
the pledge for life,
not just for Lent."
"Philly, there's
wan consolation."
"What's that, luv?"
"There's no mention
of total Brazilians."
"What's a total
Brazilian, Matilda?
The only brazils I know
are nuts."
"Matilda! Pull yerself
together. Will ye watch
where you're spilling
your pint! I'm nearly
drownded!"
The rest of the conversation
is lost to history.
--30--
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