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Hark! Whose voice is that?
(In which two Dublin ladies of a certain vintage continue discussing affairs of state)

"I'm speechless. Totally speechless. Did you hear what he's gone and done now, Matilda?"

"You, Philomena? Speechless! Shure there's miracles, and miracles. But you speechless-"

"Matilda! Quit that! It's no time for joking."

"I'm sorry, Philly. I just couldn't resist. Well, what is it? I'm all ears."

"It's him again."

"Which him? The fella who's been giving you the eye-"

"Dammit, Matilda. Just listen. Just listen to me. This is serious. It's yer man, the Taoiseach."

"Not again, Philomena!"

"Yes again, Matilda. He's taking lessons."

"Isn't that good news, Philly? Sure and if he learns how to apply his makeup that'll cost us less!"

"No, Matilda. "It's not the makeup thing. It's how he talks. He's taking lessons."

"Lessons in how to talk! Now you're having me on. He's a politician, for God's sake! That's what they do, all the time. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. They'd talk the hind legs off an ass!"

"Matilda, will you just this once listen to me! There's this talk trainer who gives him lessons. I read it myself, in the Indo no less. It said that there's this fella who trains actors in The Gaiety theatre, and now he's training the Taoiseach too."

"Now I know you're joking, Philomena. There's many a night I went to the Gaiety, and let me tell you Jimmy O'Dea never needed no lessons. Nor Maureen Potter, nor any of them grand actors. Shure they'd have you laughing your head off. And that other wan, Brendan Grace --"

"Matilda, just shut up! I'm telling you it's true. It was in the paper. I cut it out myself. Now if I can only find it. It's here in my bag somewhere."

"All right, Philly, all right. While you're searching I'll get us two more, even though you've just told me to shut up!"

"I'm sorry, Matilda. I didn't mean it. Here's the piece I wanted. Read it yourself. I'll get us refills."

REAPPOINTED member to the new 13-member Arts Council, Patrick Sutton, has a part-time job helping the Taoiseach to communicate properly.

The director of the Gaiety School of Acting and owner of the communications company, Communicate, helps Bertie Ahern and other leading politicians to cut out "waffle" and to speak more clearly and concisely in front of a public audience.

The 45-year-old Dubliner, who is visited frequently by the Taoiseach, said that his job involves "giving politicians the confidence to stand up and communicate properly when speaking in public".

"I first find out what people want to say and I cut out all the frills and help them deliver it in a very clear and confident way," he told the Sunday Independent. The new Arts Council member said the Taoiseach has been a client of his, on and off, for the past two years.

"Thanks, Philly. I see it was written by Joanne Hegarty. If it had been anyone else, I'd have wondered."

"I think actors call it elocution. First makeup. Now elocution. You know, Matilda, it makes you wonder what next. Posture? Dance lessons? Acting?"

"Maybe, Philly, he's training for a part in next year's panto."

"Next year? It's year-round panto he's in right now in the Kildare Street Playhouse!"

--30--


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