"Thinking outside the box" is the latest buzzword, mantra, refrain, of the modern business school graduates who, in the course of time, will spawn future Enrons and Arthur Andersens. The "box" is undefined, and the phrase itself is fuzzy.

There is no such cobwebby incoherence in the latest drive launched in Ireland "to think outside the clock". It has a practical application that may be applied worldwide, and particularly in America North, otherwise known as Canada.

It all stems from the fact that in June 2002 the World Cup is due to be held in Japan. For the addle-pated, and it is fervently hoped this doesn't include any of you who are reading this, there is only one World Cup, and it is not awarded for tiddlywinks. It's for soccer, or football if you prefer, a game whose players, male and female, and fans, male and female, number in the billions.

Japan, being on the other side of the world, operates on Japanese time, and Japanese time is 9.5 hours ahead of timepieces in Ireland. This means that a soccer match televised in Japan at 3 p.m. will be seen in Ireland at 5.30 a.m., an ungodly hour of the day except for early rising sun-worshipping Celtic druids.

What to do? Ireland doesn't have much influence in Japan, so rather than asking the Japanese to make the change, 5,000 people marched on the Dáil (Irish Parliament) to present a petition asking the Irish government to adopt Japanese time for the month of June.

As reported in the "Irish Independent" newspaper of March 13, "A number of soccer-mad Irish fans yesterday called on the Government to "go Japanese" and synchronize Irish time with Japanese time for this summer's World Cup finals."

Only last month this web site had occasion to take umbrage with the saying "The Irish are all mad." Now we are saying it ourselves, and into the bargain defining and categorizing the Irish into "soccer-mad", to be followed no doubt by "tiddlywinks-mad", and the ultimate "tiddly-mad", since the march of the 5,000 was organized by beer makers Carlsberg Ireland.

What has all this to do with the more sober work of holding general elections in Canada? A whole lot.

Canada has four-and-a-half time zones. Election after election, voters in British Columbia and Alberta complain that they are still going to the polls hours after results have been announced in the more populated eastern half of the country. In many cases their votes don't count in the final over-all result. They feel disenfranchised.

Politicians have expressed sympathy with their plight.

"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."

But the present system suits the politicians.

If polls opened at 10 a.m. in Newfoundland and closed at 10 p.m., and polls opened at 7 a.m. in British Columbia and closed at 7 p.m. the problem would cease to exist. In Ontario and Quebec a measured change of polling hours could be introduced. In those provinces most workers are given time off to vote during the day. In British Columbia and Alberta that time off could be given in the afternoon or early evening. The counting of votes could take place at a uniform hour across the country and peace and happiness would engulf the land from Joe Batt's Arm to Gibson's Landing.

All that is needed is for Carlsberg Canada to organize a march on Parliament, building on their expertise in Ireland.

"Will that be Japanese or Irish time, Sir?"

"No. Canadian compromise, if you please!"